When we go to therapy, we expect a safe, collaborative space where we can grow and heal. However, not all therapy experiences are equal. Sometimes, you might notice that your therapist is acting like an authority figure rather than a supportive guide. This can feel uncomfortable, and it’s essential to recognize what’s happening and how to address it.
What Does It Mean When a Therapist Acts Like an Authority?
When a therapist acts like an authority, they position themselves as someone who knows what’s best for you in every situation. While therapists are trained professionals, this approach can sometimes cross a line. Instead of working with you to find solutions and understand your emotions, they might dismiss your thoughts, minimize your feelings, or assume control of the therapy process.
A therapist acting as an authority might believe they always know better than the client, leaving little room for collaboration. Therapy should be a partnership where you feel empowered and heard—not a space where you feel overpowered or dismissed.
Signs of Controlling Behavior in Therapy
It’s important to know the warning signs of controlling behavior in therapy so you can assess whether your therapist’s approach is healthy. Here are some red flags to watch for:
- Dismissing Your Opinions: If your therapist often ignores or minimizes your thoughts, ideas, or feelings, this is a sign they’re taking an authoritative approach.
- Imposing Their Beliefs: A controlling therapist might impose their personal values, beliefs, or opinions on you instead of helping you explore your own perspective.
- Making Decisions for You: Instead of guiding you toward making decisions for yourself, an authoritarian therapist might try to dictate what you should do in various areas of your life.
- Not Respecting Boundaries: If your therapist frequently oversteps boundaries or pressures you into discussing topics you’re uncomfortable with, this can be harmful.
- Creating Dependency: A therapist acting like an authority may discourage you from seeking outside opinions or even suggest that you can’t make progress without them.
If you’ve noticed these behaviors in your therapy sessions, it’s worth reflecting on whether this dynamic is helpful for you.
Why This Approach Can Be Harmful
Therapists who act as authority figures can do more harm than good. Therapy is meant to be a space where you feel safe, respected, and understood. When a therapist takes control in an authoritarian way, it can lead to negative consequences:
- Loss of Confidence: If your therapist constantly undermines your ability to make decisions, you might start doubting yourself. This can make you feel more dependent on them rather than empowered.
- Feelings of Invalidity: Therapy should validate your emotions, but an authoritarian approach can make you feel like your feelings and experiences don’t matter.
- Hindered Growth: A controlling therapist may unintentionally hinder your personal growth by taking away opportunities for you to explore solutions on your own terms.
- Resentment or Frustration: Feeling overpowered by your therapist can lead to resentment, frustration, or even a loss of trust in the therapeutic process altogether.
Why Therapists Shouldn’t Act Like Authorities
Therapy is not about one person being in control—it’s about collaboration. A good therapist understands that they’re there to guide, not dictate. They should provide tools, insights, and support while allowing you to take an active role in your own healing journey. Acting as an authority undermines the core principles of therapy, which are rooted in trust, respect, and empathy.
Healthy Therapy Is a Partnership
The best therapy happens when the therapist and client work together. In a healthy therapeutic relationship:
- You feel heard, understood, and respected.
- Your therapist encourages you to explore your own feelings and come to your own conclusions.
- There’s mutual trust and open communication, with both parties sharing insights and feedback.
When therapy feels like a partnership, you’re more likely to make meaningful progress.
How to Recognize Red Flags in Your Therapy Sessions
It’s crucial to keep an eye out for behaviors that suggest your therapist is acting like an authority. Here are some specific red flags:
- You feel hesitant to share your thoughts because you fear being judged or dismissed.
- Your therapist uses phrases like “you have to” or “you should” frequently, without leaving room for discussion.
- They seem disinterested in your input or only provide solutions that align with their own beliefs.
- You feel more confused, overwhelmed, or powerless after sessions rather than empowered.
If you notice these signs, it might be time to reevaluate the therapeutic relationship.
Steps to Take If Your Therapist Is Acting Like an Authority
If you feel like your therapist is being overly controlling, here are some steps you can take to address the situation:
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to identify what specifically feels off about your sessions. Is it the way they speak to you? Do you feel dismissed or unheard? Writing down your thoughts can help you clarify your concerns.
- Communicate Openly: During a session, share how you’re feeling with your therapist. Use “I” statements, like “I feel like my opinions aren’t being considered” or “I feel uncomfortable when I’m told what to do without discussion.”
- Ask for Collaboration: Let your therapist know that you value a collaborative approach and that you’d like to take a more active role in your therapy.
- Set Boundaries: If your therapist continues to act in an authoritative way, establish clear boundaries. For example, you might say, “I’d like to focus on exploring my own solutions rather than being given advice.”
- Seek a Second Opinion: If you’re unsure about your therapist’s approach, consider seeking feedback from another mental health professional.
- Consider Changing Therapists: If your therapist isn’t willing to adjust their approach, it’s okay to look for someone who aligns better with your needs.
Why It’s Okay to Change Therapists
Many people hesitate to change therapists because they feel guilty or worry about starting over. However, it’s important to remember that therapy is about you. If you’re not comfortable with your current therapist, it’s absolutely okay to find someone who’s a better fit.
Changing therapists doesn’t mean you’re giving up or failing—it means you’re prioritizing your mental health. Every therapist has a different style, and finding someone who collaborates with you is key to your progress.
Benefits of Choosing a Collaborative Therapist
When you work with a collaborative therapist, the benefits are clear:
- Empowerment: A collaborative therapist helps you build confidence in your own decisions and abilities.
- Better Communication: You’ll feel more comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, which leads to more productive sessions.
- Stronger Trust: Mutual respect and understanding create a foundation of trust that supports your healing process.
- Personal Growth: By actively participating in therapy, you’re more likely to achieve long-term growth and independence.
A collaborative therapist views you as the expert on your own life and works alongside you to help you achieve your goals.
Thoughts on Therapists Acting Like Authorities
Therapists are trained to guide and support—not control or dominate. When a therapist acts like an authority, it undermines the purpose of therapy. Clients should feel empowered, not overpowered. If you ever feel like your therapist is acting more like a dictator than a guide, it’s important to address your concerns or explore other options.
Signs of Controlling Behavior in Therapy
Controlling behavior in therapy isn’t always obvious, but some key signs include:
- A dismissive or judgmental attitude
- Overstepping boundaries
- Discouraging independent thinking or decision-making
Recognizing these signs early can help you take steps to ensure your therapy experience remains healthy and beneficial.
Why This Approach Can Be Harmful
A controlling or authoritarian approach in therapy can lead to feelings of inadequacy, dependency, and frustration. Therapy is supposed to build you up, not break you down. When therapists act as authority figures, they risk doing more harm than good.
Why Therapists Shouldn’t Act Like Authorities
Therapists should focus on empowering their clients rather than controlling them. A therapy session is not about the therapist dictating what’s best—it’s about helping clients discover their own strengths, insights, and solutions.
The Bottom Line
Therapy is meant to be a safe and collaborative space where you can grow, heal, and explore your emotions. If your therapist is acting like an authority figure, it’s important to recognize the signs and take action. Remember, a good therapist will respect your boundaries, value your input, and work with you as an equal partner.
Your mental health journey is about you, and you deserve a therapist who supports and empowers you every step of the way. If something feels off, trust your instincts—it’s okay to speak up or seek out a new therapist who better aligns with your needs.
